Recessionista

1:24 PM

Recessionista: - A person who is able to stick to a tight budget while still managing to dress stylishly.

Ex: She's superstylish, always able to buy a round of drinks and still seems to be wearing a new outfit every time you see her. She's a recessionista, that New York marvel who's a magnet for a good deal. And in this economy, she's got a lot to teach us.


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pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

8:54 AM

This whole week has been really rough. My parents aren't making it any easier either. School is hell. Starting to lose friends. Already lost a lover. Damn, what else is there for me to do? Not much as I see from my viewpoint. And they wonder why people commit suicide these days smh.

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allow me to reintroduce myself

4:56 PM

Throughout my whole life its seem as if I've been misinterpreted for something I'm not or something I am, or leastwise what others expect me to be. Growing up as an adopted child, sometimes it feels like people expect me to be more than I am. I feel like people are hovering over me, watching my every move as if to say "you need to be better than that; look where you came from, you don't want to be like that now do you?". Well what if I do? **sigh**
I guess you can say I'm a typical girl, typical being the farthest thing from it. I was born in east Atlanta, moved up to Marietta, and then moved once more for my current location. A 'spoiled brat', my wealth lie hidden in a 2bed/2bath home on about 1.5 acres of land. People always seem to judge me on the clothing I wear, the things I buy, the amount of the stacc in my purse. Yes indeed everything I desire is only a card swipe away, yet this is 2009 people - recession is here let's envy those who have more than you. Maybe you should leave me compliments instead of hate notes.
"You're too young Kiah". I hear that phrase everyday. With the parents I have, I feel like I'm being deprived of what everyone is able to have of my age. My parents have a set mindset, each coming with its own little group of stereotypes to make matters even more complicated. It's hard to think outside of the box when the inside of the box is all you know. Yet I think I've done pretty well over these years inside these four white walls. I'm just ready to leave, and no one can understand why. I'm tired of this, I want something new . . .

School life has gotten worse. High school is really the new definition of living hell. My first year was perfect. Freshman Friday's are a thing of mind, or at least they never happened to me. It was around the second year that things really started to fall apart, laying the base for all the mess I'm in/feeling now. I got into a fight, and of course I was suspended. An attacc on my family, I had to defend myself. That suspension brought my grades down and for the first time I had gotten a C. Wasn't that bad of a grade, C+ at least. Honor roll wasn't achieved this year.
Sometimes I notice that I lead my own life within four separate lives. And when all these lives begin to intertwine, everything becomes hectic and my nerves begin to slowly yet surely break down. My first life, my home life, isn't that confusing, but it's full of hard work - more work than a MINOR should have to deal with. I'm taking care of two people, my mother and myself, since she is nearly handicapped. My father needs help occasionally, but not as much as her. All the cleaning that has to be done, with some laundry, is done by me. I get up every weekday at 5am to get ready and go to school, and don't get home until around 3pm. I have a load of homework, which usually doesn't get finished because I either don't finish it at school or I am too tired to even look at it when I get home. On top of that, she is expecting me to get a job. Little does she know, that's where my second life comes in.
My second life I usually refer to as the "get money" phase because that's basically what it consists of. My parents don't know that I can design or sing. I don't feel like I can tell them because I know they'll try to take control of it and it's the only source of freedom I have at the moment. With all the side projects I do for graphic design, and then my bacc-up vocals for upcoming artists, I come to a grand total of about $130 a week. Yet this isn't every week, only on busy ones. And with recession here, no one is in need of my services. Way less work than I would have to put in a McDonald's or Publix. I might as well not be getting any money at all tho, it's not like I can just pop and be like "Hey, can you take me to the mall?" because 'supposedly' I have no money. If my parents ever found my secret stash they would think I was selling cracc or something.
Vida numero tres . . . "friends". Not the same as it used to be. This part of my life collaboration is constantly changing. Lost a 'best friend' just recently, and honestly I'm not feeling any sort of grief from it; I've actually felt like I've gained some satisfaction from it. Most of my friends are people my parents don't approve of. Not because they're bad people, it's either because they're not white, they don't know them very well, or they live in an area my parents don't approve of. None of my parents' concerns have stopped me from loving my friends though.

My final life - I feel it's been the most influential and most changing on me. Yet once again, my parents have stopped me from achieving true happiness. This is my life of love. See us box people, we don't get to experience a dating life. Instead we sneak around for happiness and make mistakes we regret. When you finally think you've found THE ONE, it's interrupted by a closed-minded person. Relationships suffer, and then sure enough so do you. When will I be free? No one truly knows.



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